Happy Birthday, Mr Astronaut!
by Heavily Armed Pixie
Summary: Birthdays away from home do not a happy Crichton make. Aeryn gets an idea to snap him out of it. ***EDITED 4/29/2008***
1. Cranky, Cranky, Cranky

**Disclaimer: The characters and universe aren't mine. I'm just going to take them out for a ride and I'll return them unharmed when I'm done. Promise.  
**

Commander John Crichton had been cranky the last few days. Not just cranky - downright impossible to deal with. It was driving Aeryn insane. There was a mixed blessing in the fact he'd been so reclusive, if only because he was so short tempered when he was among the rest of the group. In the past few days, particularly, he'd far surpassed even Rygel's talent for picking fights. Most of them had reached their fill days ago, and the carefully restrained animosity pouring from Crichton seemed to make everyone itch.

They'd been trying their best to avoid setting him off, but now Aeryn needed his help. With a deep breath and a voice that sounded like she already knew to prepare for trouble, she opened her comm and made her request.

"Crichton, I could use your help in command. I'm trying to access Moya's data stores to..."

"Nothin' doin', Officer Sun. I've got fish of my own to fry.", came the terse reply. His own voice was striated with irritation, but she couldn't imagine what she'd done to offend him. Placing her hands on her hips, she gave the ceiling a look that screamed "I've-had-about-enough-of-this-dren" and tried again.

"Crichton, where are you?" No response answered, and her head tilted to the side as she licked her lips to keep from shouting. "Crichton? Pilot, where's Crichton?"

"Commander Crichton is in the maintenance bay. He's been there for... quite some time. Working on his module."

"Thank you, Pilot."

She wasn't sure approaching him wouldn't make a bad situation worse, but ignoring Crichton's fits had never been her style. If there was a problem, she wanted to find out what it was and now, before it became a big enough problem that it put Moya or her crew at risk if something popped up.

And "something" always popped up.

She finally came to the bay and found him under his module, which had been set up on some type of makeshift rig to suspend it off the floor. She planted herself in front of the portable light he was making use of, her feet spread shoulder width apart and her arms folded, and waited to be noticed.

"Do you mind? You're blocking my- Oh. Aeryn." Scooting out from below the ship, he rested his weight back on his elbows and regarded her belligerently. "What?"

"What the _frell_ is your problem? I've had just about enough of your pouting and your petty arguments. What's going on? What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

He looked at her silently for a moment. They stayed as they they were, the microts dragging out. John's tongue played with his lower lip as the silence went on, and Aeryn's stance never wavered. Slowly coming to the realization that his terse answer wasn't enough to satisfied her, John sighed.

"_Nothing_, okay? Not one damn thing is wrong with me. Now if you'll excuse me, this bucket of bolts needs my attention."

He slid back under his module and began working as if he'd never been interrupted. Not one to beat around the bush, Aeryn wasted no time in grabbing his ankles, pulling him back out from under the ship again. He didn't bother to struggle, she'd kicked his ass on many occasions; if this was going to be another notch in the bedpost, he might as well sit still and let her get it over with.

Nothing came with his assumption but a glare from the woman who then took up a sitting position on his legs so he couldn't move. His knees were trapped effectively under her weight, which bore down on a good portion of his thighs, as well.

"You're going to answer me, and you're going to do it now or you're not moving from this spot. You're dragging us all down with your attitude and as far as I can tell, there's no reason for it."

John sighed and lay back, stacking his arms behind his head. He knew she'd make good on her threat. If he didn't talk she'd sit there until they either died of starvation, or his legs went numb and fell off.

"Fine, you want to know what my problem is? It's my birthday, okay. In a week's time. I've got nothing to show for it, Aeryn. Nothing but a bad case of space dementia. No red bike with a bell on it. No puppy dog, no gifts, no presents, no family. No _nothing_."

Ha. Now she knew what his problem was, wouldn't she be sorry she asked? No, better yet, he hoped she'd get up, walk her sexy little ass straight out of the docking bay and leave him alone. Permanently. He missed home, he missed his friends and family and Earth customs and all he wanted to do was work on his module and stew on ideas for making wormholes.

"That's it? That's your problem? You're making everyone miserable because you're not receiving gifts on the day of your birth?", she asked in a tone that didn't need "you idiot" tacked on to get her message across.

"Yeah. That about sums it up, Officer Sun, now if you'll get yourself off of me, I'd like to get _back_ to what I was doing."

"I most certainly will not. I can not believe you. You sound a bit like Rygel, if you ask me. How selfishly stupid!"

"Aeryn, it's not about the -gifts- okay? It's about the experience. If I were home, I'd probably be at some bar with Dad and DK. I'd be laughing my ass off, and having a great time. There'd be some sort surprise party some place; they haven't done that in a while, ya never know. Now, get the frell _off_ of me, I'd like to get back to work so I can figure out how to use what I know to make a wormhole and get the hell out of Dodge."

There were many phrases she didn't understand in that monologue, she just had to ask:

"Sup-rice Party?" she looked confused, and one eyebrow hitched itself up at an odd angle.

"Yeah, you know. Lights are off, nobody's home. Or so you think, until you walk into the room and they all jump out and yell "Surprise!" and you have to act like your best friend didn't tip you off three days before." He sighed heavily, and struggled to move his legs as the tingling sensation set in from lack of bloodflow. He softened his voice. "Look, Aeryn, I...Ireally don't want to talk about this."

It wasn't much, and it had never been done in Peacekeeper society. Days of birth weren't considered to be different than any other day. If her own birth hadn't been confessed by her mother to have been out of love -something other than PK necessity- she wouldn't even have bothered to remember her own day of birth. If it would make Crichton feel better, she supposed she should start organizing. If it was a "sup-rice" party he wanted, if that's what it would take to snap him out of this attitude, the it was a "sup-rice" party he was going to get. No matter how badly she frelled it up.

Suddenly, she jumped up.

"What, that's it?" Crichton demanded, his voice turning lecherous and perverted. "You interrogate me and then just up and leave? I thought there'd be a least one scene from "Basic Instinct", Sweeheart. I'm disappointed."

"Shut up, Crichton."


	2. Shopping

Aeryn spent nearly all day long on the nearest commerce planet, searching for a gift for Crichton. Something that was functional, so they wouldn't spend currency on Dren. Something that would snap him out of his frelling mood and give everyone on the ship some peace. She went from table to table of wares, looking for something suitable, when she heard a voice at her elbow.

"Why don't you get something you'd both enjoy?" asked Chiana, her head tilted to the side mischievously. There was a glint in her eye that Aeryn didn't like, a glint that said one thing, the o_nly_ thing Chaina ever thought about. When she wasn't thinking about thieving, anyway.

"Why don't you suppress the trelk in you for five microts, hmmm?" Aeryn shot back as turned back the table of items in front of her. She could feel Chiana'a glare on the back of her head and smirked. She couldn't care less what the Nebari thought.

"What do you think D'Argo's gonna tell Crichton? About the party, I mean? How's he going to let him know what we're planning? Or is it _not_ planning?", Chiana asked, trying to change the subject as she fingered a jacket on the table with admiring eyes.

"How the frell should I know? Crichton just said that people tell the person three days before the event, so they can act like they don't know about it. Or...something like that. It seems counter productive to me." She didn't understand human culture, especially the way Crichton explained it. Still, she hoped it would give him some pleasure. She pushed the anxious flutter in her stomach away and reminded herself that this was merely for the sake of turning Chrichton into something more productive, no other reason.

She eyed the way Chiana was petting the red and black leather of the coat and her brow furrowed. The last thing they needed right now was a distraction. Reaching into her pocket, she tossed a few coins in Chiana's direction. "Hurry up and purchase it, before it "follows" you home."

Chiana's eyes lit up and she giggled. "Thanks. This is the dradest. Cricthon will love it."

Aeryn herself eventually settled on a new pulse weapon -several cuts above Winona's current condition- and a large bottle of Fellip nectar for John. If worse came to worse, she figured he'd pass out from inebriation and give them all a rest from the whining. "Now, let's get off this waste hole. We have a sup-rise party to plan."

As she was walking past a table of goods, something caught her eye. She stopped short and her pony-tail whipping against her cheeks; cheeks that turned incredibly red when it dawned on her what she was looking at. The fabric on the table was designed to show more than it hid, its opacity was very sheer. The neckline plunged down and it seemed to be awfully small. Which, Aeryn supposed, was the purpose.

She surrpetitiously glanced at China's back as the other woman got further and further away from her and then she bit her lower lip. Was she -actually- considering Chaina's line of thinking, something both she and Crichton could enjoy? It would certainly ease the certain tensions between -them-, that was for sure.

She debated. Her thoughts went back and forth. She even sneered and the merchant that made a lewd suggestion about how this particular garment might look on her.

Instead of punching him in the face, she dropped the correct amount of currency into his hand, snatched what she hoped was the correct size from the table, and hurried to catch up with the group.


	3. Soup and Rice

D'Argo paced back and forth in front of Crichton's quarters. Aeryn had insisted that he tell Crichton she was planning some kind of thing for him. What was it again? Dren. He couldn't remember what she'd called it. All he knew was that Crichton was complaining about being neglected again and Aeryn had been quite irritated when she'd laid out the plan. D'Argo figured that as long as it put an end to the bickering and he wouldn't have to use his long tongue on Crichton to shut him up and get a microt of silence, he was willing to go along with it.

"Hey, Big D, you're wearing a hole in the floor." Crichton shot at him, striding out of his room. Ignoring that there must have been a reason D'Argo was there in the first place, he started heading for more modifications on his module, his strides long and purposeful. D'Argo was one step behind him.

"Crichton. I'm supposed to tell you that we're planning something." D'Argo's voice resonated deeply, and Crichton turned around with a confused expression on his face. Something in D'Argo's voice sounded slightly off and it made him stop in interest. What was going on?

"Planning...something? That's it? A Revolution? Insurrection? Toga party? What is it, Grizzly? Spit it out."

"Ahhh..." D'Argo's large brow furrowed and he pursed his lips in contemplation. What had Aeryn said? How was he supposed to put it? "The last one. No...a...soup-rise party. She said I'm supposed to let you know, so you can act like you have no idea." The big Luxan nodded his head, and his tentacles bobbed with the motion. Then he frowned. Wait, had he gotten it right? "Or was it...we're NOT planning a soup-rise party?" D'Argo muttered slightly and tried to remember what the ex-Peace Keeper had said.

Chrichton's eyes widened, but he struggled to keep the surprise off his face. "Aeryn...what a woman, huh? Not only is she gorgeous, but she's got a weak spot for me." He wiggled his eyebrows at his friend. He'd have to keep the secret under his hat and make sure no one knew he was aware of the plan. That was part of the game, right? And besides, if Aeryn knew her little plan was working, well...he figured he'd drag it out as long as he could before that point, just to make her squirm.

"I'm sure that's not the case, John. We've just had enough of your bad mood."

"What? C'mon, buddy. Every man should celebrate his birthday. Don't Luxans celebrate birthdays? Huh?" He nudged D'Argo with an elbow and leered. "Strippers? Nudie bars? Beer?" He smirked in triumph, sure he'd out smarted the other man.

"We celebrate by taking an entire weeken and discussing the past year, in a reflection of how we've grown as a warrior."

John frowned. "Dude. Way to go,_ kill joy._ Well, you can live vicariously through me. And...the party I'm not getting." He winked and D'argo shook his head.

"I have better things to be doing, my friend. You can enjoy your soup."

Crichton watched D'Argo go, waiting until he had rounded the corner to rub his hands together with a big grin.


	4. Best Laid Plans

Aeryn stood in front of a full length looking glass in her quarters, holding the garment she'd purchased in front of her as she considered what it might look like on. She was unsure what had made her do such an impulsively stupid thing, and chided herself even as she turned in the mirror to study the angles of her body, clad in her normal Peacekeeper attire. What had she been thinking? Hot color came to her face as she considered Crichton's reaction. Would he be pleased? Shocked to see her in something so unlike herself? Turned on? She nearly smiled at the thought, and bit down on her lower lip, embarassed by the sudden surge of pleasure she got from it - this was so impetuous, so...unlike her.

The sound of a clearing throat behind her suddenly shocked her from her thoughts. She scrambled to hide the garment by crumpling it into a ball in her her hands, and turning her body toward the door. Chiana sidled into the room, her hands folded behind her back. The look on her face caused Aeryn's brows to draw together, and Chiana chuckled, thoroughly enjoying the ex-Peacekeeper's discomfort as she asked, "What'cha got?"

"I'm assuming you know, you've probably been skulking there for long enough," Aeryn accused. She quickly tried to cross the room to her bed, frantically searching for a place to hide the garment, but Chiana's hand on her arm stopped her.

"Look, Aeryn, I didn't come in to give you a hard time. I was sent to tell you...well, we're not going to make it to Chrichton's...what was it? Part? Party. D'Argo's found someone on the Commerce Planet that swears he's got battle techniques D'Argo's never seen before. He's only going to be down there for a couple of arns, which, of course, means that D'Argo's got to prove him wrong while he can, and which means Rygel's got to go to pretend he knew about it all along. And, well, I'm just going for the excitement, but Zhaan said something about culture I didn't listen to as closely as I could have".

Chiana rolled her eyes with the last part, and shrugged, finishing up with, "which means that you and Crichton will be on your own this evening."

"Really?" Aeryn said, her tone displaying her full irritation. It was more of a statement than a question - a statement of disbelief. "I did all this preperation for nothing?"

"It's not nothing Aeryn. You've got...well..." Chiana motioned down to the dress in Aeryn's hands and took care to make sure her tone stayed neutral and unsuggestive and as though she was giving sisterly advice. She took Aeryn's hands in hers and led her to the bed, sitting down beside her and speaking gently. "If you ask me - and I know you didn't, believe me -, but if you ask me...it's beyond time, Aeryn. What's a better gift than, well...giving in? You'll be alone...no interruptions..."

The older woman looked away as Chiana tried to look her in the eye, trying to hide her embarassment once again. Chiana was no stranger to sex, but the thought that her own feelings had been that easy to guess...the idea bothered her. "It's been that obvious?"

"Oh, gods, yeah!" the Nebari started with a bawdy snicker, but quickly remembered to whom she was speaking and curbed herself. "It's been obvious something's simmering under the surface. There's no shame in it. I know men and I can tell you you won't be rejected if you try, if you know what I mean."

"I'll...consider it," Aeryn pushed up from the bed again, stuffing the fabric into a pack near the foot of the bed, shifting uncomfortably in hopes that the girl would get the point and carry herself out of Aeryn's room.

Slowly, Chiana rose and shrugged again. As she started to leave, Aeryn called her name. She stopped, turning slightly. Their eyes met. "Thank you."

"Yeah, hey...not a problem. Good luck."

With a heavy sigh as Chiana left the room, Aeryn frowned and considered her options.


End file.
